I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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