I want to make a zoo with you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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