I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
