Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
