he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish i was in the wii world.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
