Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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