Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
