one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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