i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
