do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Welp...herpes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
