This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she smelled like a LAN party
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
