Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
