why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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