o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
