i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
