Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
