Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
