I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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