you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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