i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
