Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
