It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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