Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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