I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so let's talk penis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
