So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
