I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
