I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
