Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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