Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
