I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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