can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
