I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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