i need an iv and a liver transplant
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
