ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
