she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
