I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
