The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
