I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
