When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
