No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize