i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i drank out of a bidet.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
