Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize