Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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