all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
