So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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