Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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