Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The adults are the big ones right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
