maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
