I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
