I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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