You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
