I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize