this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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