Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
