i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
