were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
