Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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