I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
