wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
