bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
