Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
