I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
