I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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