i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
