Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
