Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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