never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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