im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
