I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize